George Clooney safe -- Morals : get Chuck Schumer over here, I don't want to have to explain this twice! -- Muslims : Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and a moderate Muslim walk into a bar -- The New York times : don't look now, but the old gray lady is on a respirator -- Old media : imagine an open sewer with coupons, want ads, and your horoscope -- Ronald Reagan, or why I sometimes waver on human cloning -- Republicans : aren't they magnificent? -- Scandals : there's a new museum dedicated to them in Little Rock, Arkansas -- Sex : "virile pacifist" is an oxymoron -- Supreme Court : I haven't been officially approached as yet, but thanks for asking -- Taxes : how about amnesty for "the wealthy"? -- The war on terrorism : peacenik pacifists to the rescue!
Introduction : liberals and the woman who hates them -- Airport security : make imams take buses -- Baby-killing: abort liberals, not children -- Blacks : the only thing standing between the Democrat Party and oblivion -- George W. Bush : the guy I'd most like to have a nonalcoholic beer with -- Christians : must reproduce more -- Bill Clinton : he left a mark on history that may never come out -- Hillary Clinton : the smartest woman in the world! -- Colleges : the English translation of "madrassa" -- Communism : a new fragrance by Hillary Clinton -- Ann Coulter : my quotes about me! -- Crime and punishment : preferably a two-step process -- Dear Ann : free advice worth every penny -- Democrat ideas (see also: Marx, Lenin) -- Democrats' virtues : points of light in a sea of darkness -- Elections : it only encourages them -- Environmentalism : Adolf Hilter was the first environmentalist -- Evolution, alchemy, and other "settled" scientific theories -- Foreigners, or the "non-soap oriented" -- Gays : no gay left behind! -- Girls : chicks hate it when you call them "girls" -- Guantanamo : room service, I'd like seventy-two virgins, please -- Guns : the constitutional right you can carry in your purse -- Hollywood : they ought to be committed--oops, they already are! -- Immigration : this is ours, that is yours-- say, do you do windows? -- Iraq : a new reality show -- Teddy Kennedy : apparently fat, drunk, and stupid is a way to go through life -- John Kerry : "Who among us does not love NASCAR?" -- The language police : can't we have more real police? -- Liberal "argument" : hissing, scratching, and hair pulling -- "Liberal patriotism" and other oxymorons -- Liberal religion : American idolatry -- Liberals in alphabetical order, or why I sometimes waver on abortion -- Liberal tactics : distortion, dissembling, deception-- and the rest is just run-of-the-mill treason -- McCarthyism : calling communist "communists" -- The military--their pet peeve : keeping
